10 strange things you can buy on Taobao

If you are looking for some unusual gifts for Christmas, you’ve come to the right place. 

10 strange things you can buy on Taobao
10 strange things you can buy on Taobao
10 Aug 2015

10 strange things you can buy on Taobao

Photos: Taobao

It doesn’t take much for one to get hooked on online shopping at Taobao, China’s answer to Amazon and eBay. With more than 800 million items listed, you can find almost anything – from the weird to the hilarious – offered for sale on the site, and usually at a bargain. Here are some of the out-of-this-world gems we unearthed on Taobao:

SAF uniform
SAF uniform
10 Aug 2015

SAF uniform

Looks like the Army Market at Beach Road has got some stiff competition. Singapore Armed Forces (SAF) uniforms and gear like backpacks, socks, singlets, and no. 4 uniforms are now sold online at Taobao and while I can’t confirm if they are actual SAF attire, they look pretty legit considering they come with authentic-looking labels. And if you are feeling nostalgic, the old uniforms are also available. So guys, the next time you get called up for reservist and realise you don’t have your complete gear, just let your fingers do the shopping.

Weibo followers
Weibo followers
10 Aug 2015

Weibo followers

If you are desperate for instant fame and love on Weibo, all you need to do is splash out a little cash to buy followers. Yes, popularity comes at a price and in this case, 10 yuan (S$2.50) for 400 followers. And these are active accounts with their own legion of fans, not ‘zombies’ who just pad the numbers of your follower count, so click ‘buy’ and you could be an overnight Internet celebrity. 

Portable steam sauna
Portable steam sauna
10 Aug 2015

Portable steam sauna

What was I thinking signing up for that expensive spa package?! At 360 yuan (S$80), this portable steam sauna is a steal! Sure, the blue quilted cover may look a little tacky but it’s got convenient arm holes so you can read or fiddle with your phone while you steam (how thoughtful!). It even comes complete with a foot massager so you can work on those tired feet while you are at it. Get the couple’s version if you want to heat things up with your partner.

David Bickham sex doll
David Bickham sex doll
10 Aug 2015

David Bickham sex doll

For those of you who have always wanted to take David Beckham home with you, your dreams have been answered! At around S$110, the David Bickham blow-up doll, which I assume is inspired by the football star, isn’t a huge price to pay. He may be a little shorter than the real deal but he comes with limbs that can turn 360 degrees and is, erm, rather well-endowed. Bendy Bickham also boasts a full head of realistic hair, well maybe a bit too much - that chest hair is a tad creepy. Wonder what Victoria thinks of him.

Virtual lover
Virtual lover
10 Aug 2015

Virtual lover

If a blow-up doll lacks the human touch, then a virtual boyfriend or girlfriend may just be the thing you need. For about 20 yuan (S$5) a day, you can buy the companionship of a sweetheart who will give you a morning call, a good night kiss or just someone to lend a listening ear to your rants and grievances via instant messaging. Photos and videos are no-no’s unless you are willing to fork out more moolah. You can even choose from a list of personalities (innocent school girl, boy-next-door, CEO, etc) you desire.

Animal brains
Animal brains
10 Aug 2015

Animal brains

Taobao is literally a marketplace offering a plethora of foodstuff including the weird and weirder like animal brains (I found pig, cow and goat ones) and even pigs’ heads. Loansharks, don’t say we didn’t give you the heads-up. 

Breast milk soap
Breast milk soap
10 Aug 2015

Breast milk soap

These Hello Kitty soap bars may look all cute and innocent but they are actually made from breast milk. Available for 10 yuan (S$2.50) a pop, the soaps are made from the seller’s own fresh breast milk and have “whitening and moisturising effects”. She even attached photos of reports from her antenatal checkups in case you are suspicious of the origins of the milk. If you think using soap made from someone else’s breast milk is kind of weird, Taobao also has DIY breast milk soap kits for sale.

Giant nose soap dispenser
Giant nose soap dispenser
10 Aug 2015

Giant nose soap dispenser

Ugh, bath time just got a lot grosser with this shower gel dispenser, which is modelled after Jackie Chan’s nose. Available for as little as 13 yuan (S$3), this giant nose will no doubt make a hilarious gag gift (we highly recommend you include a bottle of green shower gel for the best effect), but I can’t imagine anyone would be keen to shower with “mucus” – and rubbing it all over your body. There’s also a boobs version if you’re into, erm, breast milk.

SG50 Hello Kitty dolls
SG50 Hello Kitty dolls
10 Aug 2015

SG50 Hello Kitty dolls

Well this isn’t exactly weird but we did not expect to find McDonald’s limited edition SG50 Hello Kitty collector’s sets on Taobao, at least not when it is still available in Singapore. But if you are a Hello Kitty fan and residing overseas, then this is your best bet to getting your hands on the plushies. The dolls can be ordered individually or as a set of six at 200 yuan (S$45) excluding shipping. Instant gratification (kind of) without having to deal with queues or cat fights, why not?

Alpacas
Alpacas
10 Aug 2015

Alpacas

Just when I thought I could not be shocked any further, I find a bunch of ads selling alpacas. Apparently the mythical creature which looks like a cross between a sheep and camel is the go-to pet for people with more exotic tastes. But they do not come cheap – these animals will set you back more than S$10,000, but the good news is, they are also available for rent for around S$500 a day. 

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