10 things you can marry that are better than a human

Who needs humans when there are better fish (or bridges) in the sea?

10 things that you can marry that are better than a human
10 things that you can marry that are better than a human
19 Nov 2015

10 things that you can marry that are better than a human

Love is a mysterious thing and can hit you when you least expect it. One moment you are single and the next, you are taking wedding portraits and saying ‘I do’ with things you never knew you could fall head over heels in love with. Here are 10 things that people have chosen to marry over humans.

Pizza
Pizza
19 Nov 2015

Pizza

Fed up with being alone, a Russian guy decided to say ‘I dough’ with his one true love, pizza. Apparently, love between two humans is too “complicated” for him so he opted for something more “stable”. "Pizza would not reject you or betray you, and speaking quite frankly and sincerely, I love it," he said, adding that his love for food will last longer than his love for any human partner.

Though the man’s request to register the marriage was turned down by Russian authorities and the church, he went ahead with his bizarre wedding in a pizzeria, because love knows no boundaries, right? 

Marry a pizza if: Your ideal man is a slice of hot, cheesy goodness. Bonus for added meat.

Rollercoaster
Rollercoaster
19 Nov 2015

Rollercoaster

After falling in love with ‘him’ 26 years ago, a 56-year-old American woman named Linda married a rollercoaster named Bruce, telling the viewers of TLC’s My Strange Addiction that he “is just amazing when he stands up and is spread out.” Before marrying Bruce, the self-proclaimed “objectum sexual” had pursued relationships with a car and an airplane, only to return to her past love. Now, she spends her nights sleeping in the rollercoaster or having candlelit dinners with it. 

But Linda isn’t the first, nor is she the only, woman to marry a fairground ride. In 2009, an American woman named Amy Wolfe, then 33, married a rollercoaster that she had been in love with since the age of 13. According to the Telegraph, she sleeps with a picture of it on her ceiling and carries its spare nuts and bolts to feel close to it. 

Marry a rollercoaster when: You want a partner who can literally make your stomach drop every time the two of you are together.
 

Bridge
Bridge
19 Nov 2015

Bridge

Australian artist Jodi Rose knew her husband, Le Pont du Diable, a 600-year-old bridge in southern France was The One when she first laid eyes - and ears - on him. Jodi, who travels the world recording the vibrations in bridge cables for her musical project, said in her blog: "[He] is everything I could desire in a husband - sturdy, trustworthy, sensual, kind and handsome.” So in June 2013, Jodi decided it was time to settle down and the couple tied the knot in the presence of around 20 guests.

Marry a bridge when: You want a partner who is stable and always there to support you through times of troubled waters.

A tree
A tree
19 Nov 2015

A tree

Australian Emma McCabe, 31, took tree-hugging to a whole new level when she decided to marry a poplar tree named Tim. “It’s the best sex I’ve ever had!” she told the local media. While her friends think she’s “barking mad”, Emma says that Tim has made her happy after a series of failed relationships with humans.

Marry a tree when: You’re looking for a partner who is tall, dark, and strudy.
 

Pillow
Pillow
19 Nov 2015

Pillow


 

By now, the Korean man who married is “dakimakura” – an anime girl pillow – has become legendary. Lee Jin-gyu, who was 28 at the time, took his pillow on amusement park rides and treated it to meals at restaurants. He even fitted it with a wedding dress on their big day. We can only imagine how he and his waifu, which bears the image of anime character Fate Testarossa, are doing now. Can someone follow up on these two, please?

Marry your pillow when: You’ve already been sleeping with it every night. Why not take things to the next level?

Videogame character
Videogame character
19 Nov 2015

Videogame character

Not many of us are lucky enough to marry the man or woman of our dreams, but one Japanese gamer did, never mind that she is a videogame character. In 2009, Sal 9000 married the doe-eyed Nene Anegasaki from Nintendo DS dating simulation game "Love Plus" in a live ceremony online after "dating" for just three months. Though Nene is only an avatar, Sal said she is better than a human girlfriend: "She doesn't get angry if I'm late in replying to her. Well, she gets angry, but she forgives me quickly."

Marry a video game character if: You like anime girls but can't be bothered to tote around a pillow.
 

Goat
Goat
19 Nov 2015

Goat

A Sudanese man was forced to marry a nanny goat in 2006 "to save her honour" after he was caught red-handed having sex with the animal during a drunken stupor. He paid a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars (around S$55) and they were declared man and wife. Unfortunately, the couple didn’t live happily ever after. The missus passed away a year later after swallowing a plastic bag. R.I.P.

Marry a goat if: You have the hots for guys with goatees or facial hair.

A dog or a cat
A dog or a cat
19 Nov 2015

A dog or a cat

After losing her husband of 16 years, a cat, to kidney failure, a 41-year-old Dutch widow named Dominique Lesbirel found happiness again with her dog, named Travis, whom she rescued from the beach in Greece. If you find the prospect of marry your fur pals at all enticing, then head over to Marryyourpet.com, a website Dominique founded to help people like her tie the knot with Spot and Fluffy.

Marry your dog when: You want someone whose sole purpose in life is to love you. And whose poop you don’t mind cleaning.
 

Burrito
Burrito
19 Nov 2015

Burrito

Tired of seeing engagement and wedding photos on your Facebook feed? Instead of filtering them, update everyone on the status of your love life by posting your own mushy pictures with your fiancé/fiancée stand-in of choice. David Sikorski, a San Francisco-based writer, pledged his love to a burrito, jokingly telling Buzzfeed that he hoped people would be interested in sharing in his happiness.

Marry a burrito because: Burritos are plain on the outside, yet bursting with all kinds of delicious ingredients on the inside. If your partner is the other way around, then you might want to consider marrying a burrito.
 

Sex doll
Sex doll
19 Nov 2015

Sex doll

Unlike the other nuptials on this list, this union is kind of sad. A Chinese man, believed to be diagnosed with terminal cancer, wanted to experience the bliss of getting married but didn’t want to leave behind a grieving widow so he married a sex doll. To remember the special moment, the 28-year-old hired a professional photographer to take his wedding portraits and the result, a series of beautiful and poignant photos of the newlyweds.

Marry a sex doll if: You want a wife who looks and feels like a human, minus the drama.

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