9 signs you’re turning into your boyfriend’s mother

Some guys legitimately want a girlfriend. Others, though they won’t admit it, want someone who can romance and mother them at the same time.

9 signs you’re turning into your boyfriend’s mother
9 signs you’re turning into your boyfriend’s mother
11 Mar 2015

9 signs you’re turning into your boyfriend’s mother

Photos: Ingimage 

Some guys legitimately want a girlfriend. Others, though they won’t admit it, want someone who can romance and mother them at the same time. What starts out as regular nurturing becomes one-sided babying, which can drain all the joy out of a relationship. Not that this is necessarily the guy’s fault – some women (we’re sure you know plenty) – naturally fuss over their significant others. While everyone needs to feel taken care of, excessive mothering might make the guy feel incompetent around you. He might rebel by withdrawing, as youths are prone to do. Who wants to deal with that in a relationship?!

So if you’ve ever felt like you were in a relationship with a teenager, read on to see if the signs add up – and then see what you can do to reduce his dependency on you.

1. You make all of the dinner and entertainment reservations
1. You make all of the dinner and entertainment reservations
11 Mar 2015

1. You make all of the dinner and entertainment reservations

When there’s a movie on, you pick the time, the theatre, and the seats. You not only reserve tables for your date nights, but you call ahead to reserve restaurants for his engagements that don’t involve you. On some level, you know that he should help you out, but you don’t really trust him to get the time or number of people right either. 

2. You have to remind him of his appointments
2. You have to remind him of his appointments
11 Mar 2015

2. You have to remind him of his appointments

Your calendar contains two sets of reminders: appointments for you and appointments for him. You know when he’s due for his next check-up. You know what time he’s getting a haircut. The dry-cleaning service even calls you instead of him to notify you that his clothes are ready. As if that weren’t bad enough, you need to remind him of these appointments, as he can’t be bothered to input them into his phone. 

3. You do his chores – even when you don’t live together
3. You do his chores – even when you don’t live together
11 Mar 2015

3. You do his chores – even when you don’t live together

Doing all the housework when you’re married is one thing (and even then, that’s up for debate). But tidying up his room when you live apart can mean only one thing: he doesn’t want a girlfriend, he wants a maid that he can fool around with. While he plays video games, you scrub his floor, tidy his bed, and even do his laundry – all in the name of love (and because if you don’t do it, no one else will). 

4. You buy him a new wardrobe every season
4. You buy him a new wardrobe every season
11 Mar 2015

4. You buy him a new wardrobe every season

If it weren’t for you, your man would look like a homeless person. He has to be told that white shirts with yellow pit stains should be replaced, that there’s only so many times you can patch up a pair of jeans, and that cargo khakis with Adidas slippers went out of style in 2001. He’s become so reliant on you for his fashion choices, that he can barely visit the mall without you steering him away from the dollar store clothing items and into an actual clothing store. 

5. You have to calm him down when he’s having a tantrum
5. You have to calm him down when he’s having a tantrum
11 Mar 2015

5. You have to calm him down when he’s having a tantrum

The only thing more unbearable than a tantrum from a child is a tantrum from an adult—especially when he’s your boyfriend. During a night out with friends, he starts sulking for no reason before shutting down altogether, making the whole room feel a mixture of awkwardness and disdain. He opens up only when the two of you are alone, and even then it takes a lot of coaxing. Despite his age, he can’t understand why it’s important for him to control his mood swings when around other people. 

6. You help him pick his outfits
6. You help him pick his outfits
11 Mar 2015

6. You help him pick his outfits

As if buying his clothes weren’t enough, you also help him pick them out before he gets up in the morning. You even lay them out on the bed for him while he showers. Then you need to un-pop his collar, fold up his shirt sleeves, and remind him it’s not okay to wear brown shoes with black dress pants. 

7. You completely control his diet
7. You completely control his diet
11 Mar 2015

7. You completely control his diet

Despite not having any medical issues, he can’t seem to choose a meal without ending up with indigestion. Not only do you have to tell him that he can’t eat McDonald’s for dinner every night, but you’ve started badgering him about what he orders on the menu when you’re on a date. You buy all his groceries (organic, of course) and purposely fill his refrigerator with fruits and veggies so that he remembers to eat them. 

8. You have to nag him about getting his life together
8. You have to nag him about getting his life together
11 Mar 2015

8. You have to nag him about getting his life together

Sometimes it feels like if you’re the only reason he has contact with the outside world. Getting him out of bed before 2 pm on a Saturday requires marching over to his house and pulling the covers off. It’s not as if he works the graveyard shift or suffers from depression – he’s just lazy. When he’s unemployed, you need to nag him for weeks on end before he revises his CV. While you’re getting a promotion at work, he’s faking sicknesses so that he can bum around at home. You talk to his mother more than he does, and have to schedule times when you all can visit because he won’t bother. 

9. He follows your directions without question
9. He follows your directions without question
11 Mar 2015

9. He follows your directions without question

While your boyfriend once voiced out his own preferences and opinions, he now does whatever you want without argument. You want him to grow out his hair? Sure! You want him to start the Paleo diet with you? No problem. You want to spend hundreds of dollars on a couple’s gym membership? Okay! No matter how expensive or inconvenient your suggestions are, he takes him. And while having a personal lackey can sound pretty ideal, in reality, it feels like he’s given up being his own person because you’ll get your way anyway.


THE SOLUTION:

Normally, we’d give you a solution tailored to each problem. But in this case, there are two basic options. Either you find someone more mature and assertive, or you start doing some damage control on your relationship. First, tone down the mothering. Don’t do things you know he’s capable of doing himself, such as folding his socks or remembering to throw out the trash. If he asks what time his doctor’s appointment is, just say that you didn’t write it down so that he’ll write it in his own calendar next time. The changes might take a while, but in the meantime, you should start treating him like a respectable adult instead of a child. Treat him as if he were reliable, as if he has good taste in restaurants, and as if he knows which route to take when driving (yeah, we know it’s hard). You can be supportive and nurturing when he makes mistakes, but by treating him like a grown-up, he’ll either learn to act like one, or he’ll reveal that he’s a man-boy through and through. 

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