10 reasons My Horse Prince should be your Valentine this year

Just when we thought Tinder dudes were weird, this romance simulator app offered us a boyfriend in the form of a human-faced horse. 

10 reasons My Horse Prince should be your valentine this year
10 reasons My Horse Prince should be your valentine this year
13 Feb 2017

10 reasons My Horse Prince should be your valentine this year

No Valentine this year? Forget Tinder – you’ll have a much better time with Yuuma, the dreamy bishounen­-faced stallion on My Horse Prince.

Naturally, this smartphone app originated in Japan, where lonely hearts and virtual romance simulators are a dime a dozen. After seeing screenshots pop up on our Twitter feeds, we decided to spend the month of February with the handsome horse to see how he compares to a flesh-and-blood valentine.

A warning: your friends will think you are crazy, and you will probably spend most of the game hating yourself. This app is unashamedly, aggressively dumb. But that doesn’t mean it’s not fun. And what’s Valentine’s Day without a little bit of self-indulgence?

Here’s why you should consider cancelling a night of last-minute swiping/your annual singletons’ wine party with the squad to spend some quality time with My Horse Prince.

Pictures: My Horse Prince

1. The game begins with a believable storyline
1. The game begins with a believable storyline
13 Feb 2017

1. The game begins with a believable storyline

The game begins with a successful career girl grappling with a dearth of eligible males/mares. It's nothing new, but after all, nothing drives us pursue romance in a faraway land like a bit of office tedium.

2. Oh, and you play the heroine
2. Oh, and you play the heroine
13 Feb 2017

2. Oh, and you play the heroine

No need to worry about being the perpetual third wheel or the quirky best friend in this narrative. You can’t alter your avatar’s appearance, or write your own dialogue, but it’s no biggie; the script is a lot more entertaining than anything we could have ever come up with. 

3. Seriously, it’s super weird
3. Seriously, it’s super weird
13 Feb 2017

3. Seriously, it’s super weird

To everyone else, the horse looks like a horse, but to you, he looks like a hot guy. It’s your superpower. The game doesn’t delve into the logistics (do you see all horses this way or just Yuuma? Do you speak in English, or in horse language?) but the game’s all like, who cares, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If Belle could fall in love with the Beast, you can fall in love with a horse. 

4. Like any real-life boyfriend, he requires a bit of feeding
4. Like any real-life boyfriend, he requires a bit of feeding
13 Feb 2017

4. Like any real-life boyfriend, he requires a bit of feeding

If the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, then Yuuma is no different: the first game asks you to feed him carrots. Which game-you gladly does, since seeing him gallop about eating his favourite food is adorable. 

5. He is easy to please
5. He is easy to please
13 Feb 2017

5. He is easy to please

True to the adage, he falls head over hooves for you. 

6. You valiantly try to repress your emotions
6. You valiantly try to repress your emotions
13 Feb 2017

6. You valiantly try to repress your emotions

Because everyone knows that the most thrilling romances are the forbidden ones. 

7. And you fail, miserably, once he appears
7. And you fail, miserably, once he appears
13 Feb 2017

7. And you fail, miserably, once he appears

You also lose a few IQ points upon gazing at his gorgeous visage.

8. He exercises, he cooks, and he knows how to fix things
8. He exercises, he cooks, and he knows how to fix things
13 Feb 2017

8. He exercises, he cooks, and he knows how to fix things

This horse definitely qualifies as #BOYFRIENDGOALS

9. He uses chopsticks to feed you, despite not having any hands
9. He uses chopsticks to feed you, despite not having any hands
13 Feb 2017

9. He uses chopsticks to feed you, despite not having any hands

This totally beats spending time with guys who keep “forgetting” to text you back, despite having opposable thumbs. 

10. The horse is an excellent conversationalist
10. The horse is an excellent conversationalist
13 Feb 2017

10. The horse is an excellent conversationalist

What little controllable dialogue the game contains comes in the form of multiple choice questions. Selecting the right answers will bolster Yuuma’s energy, meaning that he gets to finish his tasks (eating carrots, chopping leeks, and repairing leaks, as shown in the previous screenshots) faster.

Of course, these MCQs lead to some heavy-duty flirting. Answer wrongly, however, and you’ll be subjected to a 30-second ad. Which certainly ain’t fun, but which is obviously more tolerable than the real-life consequences of saying the wrong thing. 

So what are you waiting for?
So what are you waiting for?
13 Feb 2017

So what are you waiting for?

Maybe My Horse Prince won’t buy you flowers or chocolates, but the fact that you spent a week on the app will make you feel less embarrassed about the time you swiped right on a guy flexing his biceps in a hotdog costume. Things can only go up from here. Happy Valentine’s Day!

 

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