Being labeled a creep is the worst thing that can happen to a single guy looking for love. You can be come off as dumb, arrogant, or vain and still attract women. But once they find you creepy, well, your chances with her significantly dwindle (more often than not, to nothing).
So what does it mean to be creepy? While lots of guys complain that only “ugly” dudes get labelled as creeps, or that it’s a woman’s fault for being too sensitive, if you want to find a date, then the onus is on you to reform your behaviour. Just because you weren’t trying to be a creep doesn’t mean you didn’t creep them out.
Women are primed from their youth to always be on the alert. We don’t expect all guys to be evil, but if something about you pings our “danger” radar, well, there’s simply no bypassing that. Being creepy boils down to one thing: making other people uncomfortable. Not only do you violate their space, but you refuse to back off. So either you’re unable to read social cues, or you just can’t take no for an answer. Either way, you’re not getting anyone’s phone number tonight.
If you find that women tend to get shifty around you, it might be for one of these reasons:
1. You stare. A lot.
It’s one thing to pine after a stranger from across a crowded room. It’s another thing to affix your gaze on her and to keep staring when she’s clearly avoiding you.
The difference between a creepy stare and the look of love is that the former is one-sided, while the latter is about making a connection. You want to look inviting, not like a lion stalking its prey. If she makes eye contact with you and smiles, great! If she doesn’t, look away. You can even try looking embarrassed as you avert your eyes – for all you know, she’ll find your shyness endearing.
2. You only flirt with her when she has no means of escape (in the lift, in the line at a grocery store, etc)
One of the creepiest things a guy can do is hit on a woman when she has no way out – that is, when you’re in the lift, when you’re queuing in a grocery store, or when she’s serving you food at a restaurant. Once she feels trapped, she’ll get defensive and start looking for ways to get away from you.
That doesn’t mean you can’t approach women at any of the aforementioned places. It just means that if she’s clearly giving you signals to leave her alone, then you should tone down the romantic overtures and just be polite (or better yet, silent) lest she feel trapped. If she’s responding to you, though, then by all means, carry on. And speaking of responses…
3. You’re not responding to her body language
We understand that a lot of people have a tough time reading non-verbal cues, so here are a few signs that a woman wants you to leave he alone:
- She’s avoiding eye contact
- She’s not asking you questions in return
- She’s giving you one-sentence replies without smiling or laughing
- Her arms are crossed
- She’s playing with her phone
A woman who is interested will make eye contact, will play with her hair, and will keep the conversation flowing. If her body language tells you that she’s not interested, then make a graceful exit. At least then you will get away with just being another man, as opposed to a creep who couldn’t read social cues.
4. You can’t take “no” for an answer
Being creepy makes people feel unsafe. And few things make a woman feel more unsafe when a guy just refuses to take her “no” seriously. If she doesn’t want a drink, then buy one for someone else. If she doesn’t want to dance with you or kiss you, then back off. Too many guys claim that persistence pays off and that they can wear a girl down if they try hard enough. Sorry dudes, that doesn’t work if you come across as a creep. If you want to respect her feelings without giving up, then back off, and initiate contact in a less pressurising way. If she said no to that drink, then say “all right,” but see if you can at least have a conversation. More often than not, she’ll at least be willing to make casual small talk. But if she refuses, then maybe you should move on.
5. You hit “like” on all of their photos
Everybody’s a creep over social media. But at least keep your stalker tendencies to yourself. Don’t hit “Like” on every photo in an album filled with a hundred or write things like “….wow, amazing…” on her bikini photos. Show some respect. She isn’t “asking for it” just because she posted a photo of herself in a swimsuit the same way that you aren’t asking for other guys to stare wistfully at you just because you work out shirtless in the gym.
6. You’re way too eager and twitchy
Here’s another thing about body language. Your gestures, posture, and stance tell people how to feel. If you’re acting overly twitchy or jump, the other person will also feel twitchy and jumpy. And the leap from twitchy to “danger” really isn’t that far. So relax! Be aware of your breathing, your heart rate, and your hands. The more at ease you feel with yourself, the more at ease she will feel with you.
7. You touch her too much and at the wrong time
This is a big no-no, especially here in Asia. People always say that you need to touch people to flirt with them. But before doing that, read her body language to see if she’s open to being touched. Is she standing close to you. Is she gazing straight into your eyes? If she’s obviously into you, then you can try touching her shoulder – but don’t linger for too long. Just be mindful if she stiffens up.
8. You’re way too fixated on one woman
“She WILL be mine…yes, she will….”
If you’ve ever uttered these words aloud, then sorry, you’re probably kind of a creep. Unless she feels the same way about you, she doesn’t want to be put on a pedestal or pigeonholed into being “The One.” Just be cool! The problem with being someone’s object of affection is that – as the phrase suggests – you feel like an object, not a person. No woman wants to feel like a target or a conquest. If she’s not that into you, accept it – don’t mope or swear off women forever. You’ll look like a much more normal person (and a much more viable boyfriend candidate) if you can still talk to other girls or go on dates with different people.
9. You’re literally a stalker
Do you ever leave chocolates and candy outside her door with the words “from your secret admirer”? Have you ever waited in your car outside her flat for hours hoping that she would come out? Have you ever perched outside her bedroom window and watched her while she slept? Have you ever waited for her at the airport even though she never told you her flight number? While all this might come across as romantic in novels and in film, in real life, it’s grounds for a restraining order. Like we said before, make a connection. Don’t do anything that would trap or obligate her to pay attention to you.
10. You bring up kissing and sex way too early in the conversation
This should pretty much go without saying, but you’d be surprised at how many guys go there before we’re ready. Don’t mention body parts and don’t make jokes about the bedroom. Basically, don’t say anything you would say to a girlfriend to somebody you just met. And if you accidentally say something inappropriate, don’t be too hard on yourself – everyone makes mistakes, just say that you’re sorry and take the conversation somewhere else.